After trying to get pregnant for 11 years, mum adopts four siblings: ‘It was too certain’ – Revista Cresser | education

the way to obstetrics It can be full of surprises. And it doesn’t always go through the biological route. In the case of influencer Fernanda Fabrice, 35 years oldThrough an adoption website, I became a mother. “When I saw the picture of the children,” he says, “I immediately said: My children.” grow up.

Fernanda has always dreamed of being a mother through her biological means and through adoption. For 11 years, she and her husband, Mauricio Fabrice, 40, have tried to get pregnant without success! It was a difficult period and one of many frustrations, as the couple, who live in the Campinas region (SP), did not know the reasons for this. infertility. Over time, an idea adoption I started gaining strength. In 2019, the couple entered the adoption list, and at the end of the same year, they took custody of four siblings: Flávio, now 14, Flávia, 12, Fabrício, 8, Arthur, March 5, 2021, the adoption clause was signed.

Fernanda with her family (Photo: Personal Archive)

Fernanda with her family (Image: Bruna and Raquel, from Studio Elisiosmomentos)

The adjustment period was not easy. There were many struggles until the family formed their own bond. Today, May 25, when National Adoption Day is celebrated, Fernanda made an emotional statement for grow up About how her children arrived and changed her life. paying off!

“I’ve always wanted to be a mother! Adoption was already an option for me, however, I also wanted to have a child biologically. I got married when I was 18, and since our engagement, we’ve been really talking about adopting a child and our plan was to have one.” Biologically first baby, and when he became a teenager, we would adopt an older child, and that was our dream!

We tried to get pregnant for 11 years, but couldn’t. I do not have anything! There is no diagnosis that justifies the fact that I am not pregnant and neither is my husband. Then I realized I tried too long [engravidar]Because I was stuck in people’s expectations. Everyone asked me for a baby. I ended up creating a prison for myself, the idea that if I didn’t have a biological child, I wouldn’t be a mother.

It was a very difficult period even I was suffering from depression. However, over time, I managed to get rid of this expectation. I saw that the need to be a biological mother was not for me but for other people. When I understood this, I felt sad. I did not do that In vitro fertilizationNot because I’m against it, but because it wasn’t an option for me.

I went a few months without even thinking about pregnancy or even adoption. I really started to experience the grief of motherhood in 2018. A year later, my husband went to a shelter and met a 5-year-old. He started talking about this little boy. Then I realized he was ready and asked myself, “Wouldn’t it be me too?” At that moment, we started thinking about adopting two brothers.

However, like most people, we put up with obstacles. I was thinking of finishing my Ph.D., and doing a postdoc abroad. I was very focused on my career.

“Are my children”

In July 2019, I decided to search for the documents required for approval. In my opinion, it will only take between one and two years to qualify. When I Googled: “Documents to Adopt,” it directed me to a website called Good Night Adoption, from the Court of Justice of São Paulo.

On this site I saw pictures of children. When I got to the penultimate photo, I saw my kids. I immediately said, “My children.” I was at work that my friend even said, “Are you crazy?” I felt something I can’t explain. I’m too afraid to trigger emotions, but she was very certain. I sent the printout to my husband and he was a bit against the idea.

After a while I tried to convince my husband to go through the adoption process. We started taking the course. I would go to lectures on Saturdays and on Mondays I would call the children’s court, where the children were, and say, “Don’t differentiate between my children, because I am qualified.” The person thought I was crazy, I didn’t even name the kids.

When the third lecture was given, we saw the testimony of a mother who adopted three sisters. I talked a lot about the financial issue, which frightened Mauricio. At that moment, my husband opened his heart to adoption and decided to go into the process of adopting the four children.

Fernanda received temporary custody of her children in 2019 (Image: Personal Archive)

Fernanda received temporary custody of her children in 2019 (Image: Personal Archive)

We started to fight hard for the brothers! A few months later, we got a call from the Childhood Court who told us that, at first, kids weren’t available, I was shocked. Only after much insistence were we able to arrange an interview with the art shelter staff, and then were we able to meet our children.

On October 23 we went to the shelter. Everything was fast and intense! The shelter recorded our meeting and this video went viral on social media. It was a very special day. At the time, Flavio was 11, Flavia, 9, Fabricio, 6, and Arthur, 3. 50 minutes later, Fabricio called my mom. He looked at me and said, “Will you be my mom?” And I said, “I think so, right?” And he replied, “Relax, you are indeed my mother.”

Flavio, the eldest of the brothers, was very shy, but very affectionate. Arthur, the youngest, did not understand anything. Flavia was far from me. We spent the next day with them at the shelter, which was very supportive. Soon after, they called us asking if we were interested in continuing the adoption process. I said yes! That was the party. But on the same day my husband was fired from his job and we lost 70% of our income plus insurance. So it was really hard, because we lost all of that and gained four kids. But we haven’t given up on adoption.

The first photo of Fernanda with her children (Photo: Personal Archive)

The first photo of Fernanda with her children (Photo: Personal Archive)

My husband, who was doing rescue and rescue training, went to do some odd business, because we had to give justification to the Childhood Court, however, it was very difficult financially. At the time, we had two seats. We needed a car that would fit everyone and didn’t have the money to buy it. We have lived off my PhD scholarship and individual jobs Mauritius. we We were on our way to visit the kids with a borrowed car. Giving up was not an option, however, we went through a lot of hardships.

In December, the judge understood that we were so close to the children that it was possible to release provisional custody. A week ago we managed to buy the car and then our kids came home and everything changed!

The honeymoon is over

While we were visiting the kids at the shelter, it was a whole honeymoon. We were the perfect parents and they were the perfect kids! When they got to our house, we started going through a very difficult phase of adoption, however, and one of the most important: the testing phase. It happens in all families, where we adopted four siblings, it was more severe.

Four of them tested us the whole time! The auditions targeted me more as a mother because of the idea of ​​a mother figure, and they lasted a long time. There was no screaming and rebellion at all, but they were subtle behaviors that demolish our home.

I experienced a lot of rejection after their arrival, especially from the three little ones. The eldest, Flávio, has never rejected me. He was the only one who did not ask to leave. When the two brothers said they were going back to the shelter, he didn’t want to. The youngest was only 3 years old, but his adaptation was also difficult. I was three months old without being able to touch him. He wouldn’t let me shower, and I couldn’t hold his hand. Arthur used to say, “I don’t want you.” This shows that the ease of adopting young children is a myth. There was also a regression phase, which occurs in the first few months of dependence. At home, it was very subtle. The youngest began to wet the bed again, which he did not do.

It took Fabricio, 6, who called me by my mom 50 minutes after meeting me, over a year to form a bond with me. We couldn’t form our emotional bond, we had a lot of difficulty. He wanted a lot of attention, which is very difficult in adopting a fraternity. He made me feel that I didn’t like him and started rejecting me.

It took Flavia a year and three months to accept me. He declared he didn’t want me as a mother and said we wouldn’t get along. We’ve been through a very difficult time. When the judge ruled that she would release permanent adoption, she rejected me in every way. Days before the adoption ruling, she asked to leave for the shelter for the last time. I ordered it every 15 days. But, it was a painful day.

Soon, she approached me and said, “Mom, I want to stay, I’ve changed my mind.” Three days after the adoption judgment was passed, Flavia called me my mom. She always called me Mom, but that “mother” was different. It was special, as our bond was formed. Today, we have an inexplicable relationship.

Test phase is over

After we got the last guard, everything improved. Today, my children are very calm, loving and affectionate. So the testing phase is really important. At the time, they were still trying to figure out if we could be trusted, if our love was forever and if we wouldn’t give up on them.

After all we’ve been through, I recommend that parents go to therapy, even more so than children. We need to learn to have empathy and respect for the story of these children and to love them completely, because one of the biggest problems of adoption is that parents think they are going to take the child and that they are going to build a story with this child and forget about the previous one. You should not erase what happened, because what happened is a part of your child. So, our role as parents is to help them reframe what they lived through.

After all this adaptation, we are now living a peaceful life, it’s not crazy. Everyone who has chores at home and the older ones help me a lot. We try to enjoy life to the fullest, giving value to the little things. It’s not easy to split attention between the four, but I try to make time for each one or go to the market or even call one of them to hang up the laundry, it’s a way we talk.

The family obtained permanent custody of the children in 2021 (Photo: personal archive)

Today, the family lives a quiet routine (Photo: Bruna and Raquel, from Studio Elisiosmomentos)

When I adopted children, some people judged me, and others sanctified me. But adoption is not a process of sanctification or charity. Deep down, the adoptee wants to fulfill a personal desire to become a mother and father – that is the purpose of adoption. It is just another way to become a father and mother, in fact, it is to meet someone who desperately wants to be a mother with a child who desperately wants to have a mother. It is the birth of a family.

Candidates who walk the path of wanting to save a child’s life, when faced with all I’ve been through, battles of rejection and adaptation, give up, because they didn’t have a heart-to-heart decision. Adoption is not a charity or plan B, do not attempt to conceive the child you did not have on another child. A real child is always different from an imaginary child.

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