Have you ever met someone who doesn’t like being hugged, petted, or talking about how much they like someone they live with? People like that, called cold, have their reasons for not being affectionate. Childhood experiences may, as always, be behind this behaviour. Children who have not received enough attention and affection from caregivers, or who have not learned to develop and reproduce affection, often become dehydrated. But there are other reasons.
Not always giving gifts, moving to the best places, fulfilling all desires constribte So that the other feels loved and reciprocates affection. “A lot of times, parents act like this because they work hard, but it’s not a substitute for praise, encouragement, and time together. Without all that, there’s a chance of becoming a cool person in adulthood. Boundaries, build feeling Great greatness,” says Eduardo perineuma psychologist from Unifesp (Federal University of São Paulo).
Sometimes it can also happen that a person feels emotional, even affectionate, but does not show it in the intensity and exact way that the other wants, or for being less open, or perhaps simply has a different point of view. When it comes to an individual’s preference to be who they are (in this case, less affectionate, and self-sufficient), it is difficult for a person to want change, because they feel comfortable and want to remain the same.
There are also disorders that explain this type of coldness, such as antisocial personality disorders, psychopathy, and narcissism. And if that’s not all, people can “calm down” or prove themselves to be because of insecurity, low self-esteem, a history of many disappointments and traumas involving interpersonal relationships, or excessive rationality, he points out. perineum.
Does getting involved in something or someone help?
Many hear – and many people believe – that when someone marries, becomes a father, adopts a pet, or begins helping a social cause (orphanage, hospital, nursing home), they change their way of life. Translation: He becomes a more empathetic, kind and considerate subject, and is able to change in other aspects, such as to stop being less selfish, proud, pessimistic, and closed off to the world around him. But is it true that it is possible to “transform” in this way?
External stimuli can help a non-affectionate person to develop this aspect, a new skill. But for that to happen, you have to find something you really like, otherwise it won’t work. If a person is not interested in a dog, for example, he will not be able to show him affection.
“Of course, these are situations that contribute to the generation of empathy, the development of an outlook on the other, and when this is recognized, you begin to give in a little, see other qualities in yourself and express yourself better. But, not necessarily, you become a more affectionate person ‘,” says Gabriella Luxo, a psychologist, masters and physician in developmental disorders from Presbyteriana MacKenzie University, noting that many have children, but they are not good parents.
Another specialist in this field, Leide Batista, a psychologist at Faculdade Castro Alves, in Salvador (BA), adds that the individual, being less affectionate, in order to be better, needs to realize that something is wrong with him, bothering him and damaging his relationships: “From It is easier to perceive being in a relationship with someone who is more affectionate and find it difficult to show how you feel, which leads to suffering and the fear of losing them.”
Affection is subjective and timeless
For someone who is little or not affectionate at all, recognizing the importance of and showing affection, as shown, is positive. However, those on the other side also need to realize that not all love is manifested in flowers, kisses, and hugs. The mother can be restrained, but express how she feels about her child when she prepares him a dish he loves so much. The owner of a pet may not sleep with him in bed, but always take good care of him.
It is necessary to understand that there are those who show affection for actions that are considered concrete. Carolina Mirabelli, Psychiatrist from PUC – SP (Pontifical Catholic University of São Paulo) explains.
She and the others agree that the secret is to strive for balance in relationships, and in the face of difficulties, not knowing where to begin, seek professional help and psychotherapy to get to know each other. Anyone can learn, at any time, at any age, strategies to become a better person, just want and make an effort. “Even at 80,” Perrin says. “But the sooner you do it, the more likely the behavior will not take root and make the process difficult.”